(* believe it or not - I did post this on Monday morning. Then my son got my laptop, deleted half of it and reverted it to a draft - smart cookie that one ;op)
My Body: Wrecked, Ravaged, and Over Wrought
I know that all mamas say the same thing - 'you never get your pre baby body back'.
That is fine! After back to back pregnancies (the first of which was huge twins, 7.9 and 6.3!!!), 2 C-sections, and a pre-baby curvy figure; I never plan on going near a 2 piece again. I have no desire to wear mini skirts, plunging necklines are now out do to constant baby grabbing, and make up would just be a joke 90% of the time. I have no desire to magically transform into something I am not - I just want to feel like me.
What no one ever told me about pregnancy was the long term effects to your entire body. My pregnancies have affected my hair, my teeth, my shape, my weight, my muscles, my metabolism-and food cravings, and my poor BRAIN!
In my daily schedule there is no time to brush my teeth & shower let alone workout, eat a healthy meal, or get the rest my body needs to recover.
I just want to fit into ONE pair of pants I own that aren't maternity. Just one would be great - because right now I fit into none and fall is right around the corner! (and maternity pants are comfy and all, but they don't stay up - they slide down... CONSTANTLY. I am forever adjusting my pants and pulling them up, I feel like a gangsta wannabe!)
My hair is falling out by the fist fulls - I am getting BALD spots by my temples and am having to reverse my part to try to cover up the worst of it. The only saving grace is that I had tons of hair to start with, so people who don't know me super well probably don't notice. But, as an always borderline 'chubby girl', my hair is one of those things I count on as a good feature. ;o(
My teeth - oh you didn't know that teeth were affected by pregnancy - well read on poor soul... I was sick with my twins for 24 weeks, 24 weeks of throwing up coupled with poor nutrition does a number on your chompers. After the boys I ended up with a root canal, a crown, and 4 fillings ;op I'm scared what my appointment this week will bring.
Back to my body - It isn't just that I am carrying extra weight (I am), I have all this excess skin, and my ab muscles separated from the twins and have never had a remote chance of coming back together. It is sad, but a bit hilarious that when I engage my abs (like in a chrunch) - I can push my fingers all the way down the center through squish - there is no connective muscle tissue to tighten up and act as a girdle. And of course since I am eating to stay awake (rather than for nutrition), all the bad fats, sugars, and excess calories dump right into this region. I swear that my already sluggish metabolism has slowed or maybe stopped!!! And the only foods I feel like eating come from the following food groups: Chocolate, Carbs, Sugars, and Ice Cream - do not tell me those are not food groups!!! Sigh...
Today is my day to rant, to rave, to complain... Tomorrow I must do something, or drop it. But today I can admit that this sadness over my current size, condition, and lack of enurance overflows into my daily life. It isn't just the image in the mirror. With a little extra sleep and a few more minutes to myself (HA on both counts) I can tweak the outer appearance to one of health and happiness. It is what lies underneath, what can not be seen by a crowd of people, what is on the inside that is eating away at me for change. I WANT to change, but it stops there. I currently have no motivation and too little energy to try.